Detoxing

#1 – Detoxing from my work

I start my detox from alcohol on Monday. Totally not looking forward to it, but at least it is medically supervised. However nothing is going to be supervised in my mind and half of my addiction is mental. I drink because I’m bored, I drink because I need to go to sleep and I drink because I need to turn my brain off from the stress of the day.

That said, I have already started a type of detox. I took Thursday and Friday off from work to get my affairs in order before I leave. As part of this process I had my coworker remove me from all company group emails. I also deleted all my work apps on my phone, including Zendesk and Teams. I then removed myself from all miscellaneous emails I get from our work databases. Finally, I have begun unsubscribing from various email lists that I don’t really care about anymore. It is amazing how many emails I get and just delete and never went to the bottom of the email and found that tiny “unsubscribe” link.

So this is my first detox and honestly it has be freeing and hard at the same time. I am always connected to work and even more connected than I thought. Yesterday I was unconnected. I sat in my living room and tried to think of things to do and move beyond my work. No emails, no texts, no messages, no phone calls. The silence is deafening. I woke up this morning to 3 emails in my inbox. You did read that correctly, THREE emails.

#2 – Detoxing from alcohol

Obviously this is going to happen. From what I know, I head to the hospital 3.5 hours away on Monday morning and checkin. There is no specific time to checkin, it is like an emergency room, you just walk in and get started. From there I’m in the dark. I know I’ll be there for 5 days and I will be in a room, but that is all I know. It is like starting a journey looking down a very long, dark tunnel where you can’t see the light at the other end. I know nothing of what I’m getting myself into. I do know there is light at the end of the tunnel and I know I’ll be so much happier, healthier and will enjoy life so much more when I get out the other side.

#3 – Detoxing from the internet

My goal when I finally get to rehab will be to detox from the world wide web (such a 90’s term). I wasn’t even going to open my laptop (which I found out I can bring with me). But, since I decided to write this blog daily as a journal, I will have to do that. Other than that, I plan on removing myself from all technology. I won’t look at email, I won’t google, I won’t look at the news. Total technological blackout. This is the first, and probably the only time, I will get to do this. Free my mind from the world of the internet. With things changing daily in the world these days, what will I see when I get back?

I want to change. I need to change. I am beyond done with my current life. My lovely wife’s current “mantra” is, “I will not go die easily”. This has really changed her life. She doesn’t give in to the depression or the struggles of her life. She has become stronger and can handle life much better than ever before. She is the reason I can move down this new direction in my life. My “mantra” has been, “God will not leave you in prison forever”. There are many “prisons” I have been freed from lately. A prisons to me is something from which I have no hope of ever getting free. Alcohol is a prison that I had no hope of getting out. I tried many times, but to no avail. Even a few weeks ago, I had no hope of getting out of this prison. Now I do and I never want to go back. This is my chance to live a victorious life and hopefully help others in the process.

God will help me!

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